Danny Havoc's Warblings

...first update in over a year

2009-02-18T13:18:00.001-08:00

Making a blog once a year is better than never at all.

Sorry, but unless something miraculous happens, and I get some major insipiration, then this blog will be shortly deleted.

...some stuff

2008-01-13T01:02:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year!

If you're reading this, you might notice that is the first post I've written for ... ooh, let's see ... fucking ages. Sorry, but I've been busy with work and other non-spanking stuff, and to be honest updating a blog hasn't been at the top of my agenda. I'll keep the blog "live", though, and will even update it periodically. I like to think it might keep someone amused for ten minutes during a period of boredom on their lunch break. If you like my blog, please post a comment. I go through phases: I might not update it for five months, and then I'll suddenly do three updates in as many days - so watch this space.

You actually have Emma Bishop to thank for this post. She emailed me a week or two ago to say that, following her brief sabbatical from the scene, her blog is now up and running again. It's worth a read, and there should be a link to it to the right of this page.

Oh! Before I forget ... there's a really nice spanking site I found the other day. www.girlspanksgirl.com. Beautiful young women with nice big bums is the order of the day. There's a model on there called Katy Rose, who's just everything I adore in a woman in terms of looks and figure.

...black

2007-09-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

As an avid - sad? - digestor of spanking forums I have decided there is a whopping demand for videos and pictures of black women being spanked. However, there is very little supply. Let's pray that David Sullivan doesn't get wind of this gap in the market, or he'll be publishing Black-Bottom Beaters Monthly before Christmas.

Black girls being spanked makes sense, though. I don't say that in a politically-dreadful that's-probably-what-used-to-happen-to-the-bitches-anyway way. I wouldn't say that. I'm a reasonable guy. No, I mean it in a black-girls-have-beautiful-bottoms sort of way. Big, curvy buttocks, which many black girls are blessed with, make sense to appear in spanking videos. But there are so few. So, until the situation is rectified, here's one for the guys - a link to some pay-per-view videos of chubby-buttocked black ladies being dealt with. Get your tissues ready and enjoy, gang!

http://www.clips4sale.com/studio/8798

...conchords

2007-09-16T02:09:00.000-07:00

Bands that mix music with comedy are generally crap, but here's an exception to the rule: Flight of the Conchords. They are superb, funny and strangely hypnotic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0

Carmel Buttons #3

2007-09-10T08:08:00.001-07:00

My friend Carmel Buttons, the oldest professional spankee in London, has written again:

"Hi Danny!

Hope you are fine and dandy!

I've seen your ad on the British Spanking site. Magician seeks glamorous assistant, eh? Nice angle for a personal - is that your attempt to "stand out from the crowd"? Just to remind you, young Mr Havoc: there are a thousand and nineteen losers, er, I mean spankers, to every one of us spankees, and so we expect you to do a hell of a lot more than pull doves from your sleeves in order to impress us. Paul Daniels was never a hit on the scene, you know?

Shame you missed our last party. Celebrity slappers was the order of the night, and Danni Pinkcheeks looked an absolute trout - sorry, treat - as Leslie Ash. Melinda Slapbott looked heavenly as Abi Titmuss. The 67 gents in attendance certainly had their work cut out afternoon, having the patience to wait to give one of the five girls a two-minute spanking. We socialised after the party, and us professional girlies did a splendid job of shirking those awkward questions from married middle-aged men like "Can I have your mobile number?" or "So, Summer, tell me what your real name is?"

Hope you make the next party, Danny.

Love and kisses,

Carmel

x x x"

links galore...

2007-09-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

As I sit at my PC sipping my Frijj chocolate milkshake, I thought I'd add a couple of new links so that people - and judging by the number of comments left that is not that many, IS IT? - who get bored of reading this can keep busy.

1. Amy Hunter's got a blog. According to the Northern Spanking website, she is the lovely Lucy McLean's sister, or half-sister, or something; and if memory serves me correctly there's another girl, called Sarah, on NS, who's also a sister of the aforementioned. Now who said spanking wasn't in the jeans...

2. SPKRBRYAN's blog is another I read today. Not appropriate for persons under 18 apparently. A recent post has pictures of someone being made to put a bar of soap in their mouth. Don't know whether that's just sheer kinkiness, or merely a shameless bit of product placement on behalf of Imperial Leather.

It appears from my last post or two that this blog is descending into little more than referrals to other blogs. Which means there's little on it about ME, but plenty of 'have you read this blog', 'and this one', 'and this'. Maybe 'Danny Havoc's Warblings' is like the M1 of the spanking blogs - or, perhaps more accurately, the A120something. Something you simply go on in order to link to something of more substance.

That's enough. I am putting the top back on the Frijj milkshake and I'm going for a jog.

something...

2007-09-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

Sadly, Emma Bishop's no-longer writing her blog, so have removed her link. I wish her well. However, I've added a link to Niki Flynn's website, which is always worth a shufti (shufti, for those unfamiliar with the word, means 'look', not 'a vigorous masturbation session').

I mentioned in a previous post (written months and months ago) that there's an American wrestler called Danny Havoc. I chose my name independently, and later found out about my lycra-clad namesake. Anyway, the Google results for 'Danny Havoc' have this blog on the first page of the listings. Result! So, if you are reading this, confused, and wondering what the hell is going on, then please exit and go elsewhere. This blog's not for you. Go and find a clean, wholesome wrestling blog. (Besides, I'm sure he's a competent wrestler, but I bet he's no Giant Haystacks.)

about time...

2007-05-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I started off with good intentions, but my blogs of late have been rather sporadic.

In fact, it appears I haven't updated for 3 months, which means that by definition this blog is no longer classed as active. Shame, I guess.

If you're wanting something to do, check out the links on the right-hand side of this blog.

I'm still here, just very busy, with a multitude of changes happening in my private life at the moment (some good, some not-so-good).

I am best contacted via the British Spanking website if needs be.

When things settle down, I will start posting again.

The A to Z of spanking. Part 1

2007-01-27T02:50:00.000-08:00

V is for... vanilla.

A derogratory label used by those who like spanking / BDSM to describe those unfortunates who do not like spanking / BDSM. People who use the phrase "vanilla" generally think that sexual preferences are black and white: you either like to be caned, or you like sex in the missionary position - that's it. Not realising that most folk appear somewhere on the spectrum: many people enjoy conventional sexual activity, but also throw in a bit of light bondage or spanking to spice things up occasionally. Most men would slap a nice bottom given the opportunity. Just because these people don't frequent fetish clubs, don't dress as schoolgirls or exclusively in black, and don't spend 23 hours a day posting on British Spanking's chatter forum, doesn't mean they're wierd.

S is for... scene.

A pompous term used to describe the cross-section of our population who enjoy spanking. Often use phrases like "experienced scene-player" or "veteran of the scene". Like the Freemasons, the "scene" has a secret handshake. To show you are a member of the scene, you need to stand in a bar with your left hand resting on your right buttock.

C is for... chancer.

A term used to describe a man who posts a two- or three-line personal on a site such as IC, or BS, or ITC, wanting a beautiful, willing spanking partner for uncomplicated liaisons, and then expecting THOUSANDS of replies. Such men are generally married to unsuspecting vanilla partners (see above for definition of "vanilla").

...wrestling

2007-01-22T11:17:00.000-08:00

Today I did something that everyone does occasionally - I googled my name. A conceited act, yes, but I typed my real name into Google and checked out the results. There were a few other people who shared my name, which is entirely their perogative, and there were several results that were actually me, where I have appeared on the Internet under my real name (in a totally vanilla, non-spanking context, of course). Fortunately, there are no serial killers who share my name, nor is anyone slandering me, so as far as Google's concerned my identity is pretty much OK.

I then googled "Danny Havoc", and what did I find? An American wrestler who used the same name. Now, you may not believe me here, but I swear - I did not chose the name because of that person. My name was a spur of the moment thing. I lurked on a spanking site for ages, and eventually decided I needed to join. But when faced with having to type in a username, I panicked. I sweated. I didn't know what to write. I couldn't use my real name - what would the neighbours say? So I selected the first name that entered my head - Danny. And then a word to go with it - Havoc. Hey, it could have been worse: you could now be reading Kevin Chaos' Warblings, and then you'd really be able to take the piss!

Anyway, the first two or three pages of Google's search results are referring to Danny Havoc the Wrestler, not Danny Havoc the Spanking Person. However, tucked away there, in the second or third page of Google's results, is a link to the Spanking Tools website. So maybe there's a danger of me poisoning the wholesome mind of a wrestling enthusiast. Ooops.

The bottom line is this - if your idea of heaven is chanting "Easy! Easy!" at some mulleted, middle-aged, lycra-clad muscle-man, and you're here expecting to read the warblings of an American grapple artist, then please accept my apologies for the filth you are presently reading.

See you.

...fratellis

2007-01-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Treated myself to Costello Music, the Fratellis album, today. Definitely recommended; one of the best albums of 2006 (the best album of 2006, of course, is Twelve Stops and Home by The Feeling).

The Fratellis' album cover, though, is undoubtedly the best CD cover of 2006. Can't work out why.

...lowewood

2007-01-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

The cheeky Rapunzel and her shameless friends have launched a new blog: Lowewood Academy - For girls that should know better. To whet your appetite, if you're a fan of "smacked bottoms and general sinning" - and, let's face it, who isn't? - then evidently you should head straight over there. www.lowewood-academy.co.uk

Actually, can't think of a better way to nurse my New Year's Day hangover...

...update

2006-12-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

Well, winter's here, the days are short, Christmas is coming ... what else is there to do apart from update a blog?

This post is going to be all over the place.

Here goes...

The ITC (Imbeciles Talking Crap) message board goes from strength to strength. The most recent gem, which has quite rightly been deleted, was warning the professional spankees of Ipswich, of which I'm sure there are thousands, to be careful in light of the recent murders. And along with that it's business as usual for the world's worst spanking site: the petty bickering; the small-mindedness; the bare-faced mysogyny. If this is a reflection of the people who enjoy spanking, then it's a pretty depressing one. No wonder there are so many posts on that site from frustrated men moaning about not being able to get a spanking partner, and about having to pay, and about how professional girls take advantage of their social ineptitude, and about how cruel the world is, blah, blah, blah.

* * *

Homosexual people are supposed to be blessed with "gaydar" - an innate ability to tell, very quickly, whether someone is gay or not. One of my friends is a gay. (And, yes, I wrote "a gay" ironically and with self-awareness, and with a nod towards the Little Britain sketch; my friend wouldn't take umbrage.) Anyway, my friend, the one who is a gay, is pretty good with his gaydar, and I've sometimes wondered whether spanking people have a similar sixth sense. I must confess to sometimes looking at a woman and thinking "I bet she'd let me slap her bottom". These women I look at, inevitably, have pretty faces and big bottoms, and so maybe I'm thinking "I hope she'll let me slap her bottom". I'm pleased to report there have been times in the past when I have been right...

* * *

So, after all the time and money that's been wasted it has now been ascerted that - shock, horror, gasp! - Princess Diana's death was an accident. Oh dear - the Daily Mail is going to have to find something else to write about when it's short of a headline.

* * *

According to a prediction by analysts, the blogging phenomenon is set to peak next year. The number of blogs will level out at 100 million. Around 57% of blogs are active - a blog is classed as "active" if it is updated at least once every three months. Come back tomorrow for some more extraordinarily boring facts...

Carmel Buttons #2

2006-11-24T11:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know I said my next post was not going to be about spanking (I am worried that people are starting to think I'm a bit kinky), but I've just received an email from my friend Carmel Buttons. Over to you again, Carmel:

"Hi Danny,

Well, Night Of The Cane came and went and it was absolutely fantastic. Great to meet up with old friends like Danii Pinkcheeks and Melissa Sorass. Didn't enter the caning competition this year - still recovering from a Moonglow party. Will probably enter next year.

Our last party was a storm! Danii Pinkcheeks looked wonderful dressed as Margaret Thatcher, and Toni Slapme's Cherie Blair was a hoot. Danielle Nicebum's Margaret Beckett didn't go down as well as we thought, though, and we may drop this character when we next have a politics-themed spanking party. We all laughed at one of our regular gents, Fat Bob, whose unsuspecting wife rang on the mobile while he was busy dishing out a slippering to Martina Redbot. Tut tut, Bob!

Carmel Buttons' Christmas Extravaganza will be taking place at our London venue on Christmas Eve. We've got six gorgeous girls lined up, and numbers are STRICTLY LIMITED to 120 gents. That's a male-to-female ratio of 20 to 1, so book early.

Speak later,

Carmel

x x x"

...sites

2006-11-24T09:49:00.000-08:00

You can never have enough spanking websites. The more the merrier, I say. And Emma Bishop's website (www.thetroublewithemma.com) is definitely worth a shufti. Actually, her site's been up a while, but it's recently been updated with videos and stuff. (She's got a nice bum, too, guys.)

The next post will not be about spanking. I am concerned that people are going to start thinking I'm obsessed. [I don't think there's a "paranoid" smiley, but if there was it would go here.]

...continue

2006-11-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

Further to encouraging comments from several nice people, I have decided to continue with this blog. Just two things, though: I can't promise to update on a weekly, or even monthly, basis; and not every post will be about spanking. Let's be brutal here - there's only so much one individual can write about smacking bottoms without comming across as an obsessive.

Nonetheless - this post will be about spanking. So relax.

The best commercial spanking site, in my humble opinion and all that, is Northern Spanking (www.northernspanking.com). Northern Spanking features real women: that is not to say they are unattractive women, but they are the sort of women most spanking guys have played with in real-life. Not inaccesible and disinterested 19-year-old girls that are a staple of many American spanking sites. Northern Spanking is also good-humoured and imaginative: some of the written commentary that accompanies their photosets is hilarious, and they even post outtakes and goofs from their videos on the site. Oh, and Lucy, the lady who oversees the site, is very pretty and clever and (I'm writing this small so that I don't come across as having a one-track mind) she has a gorgeous bum.

Just one criticism: for the last 12 months they've been saying they are launching a new-look website - when's it coming?

Another thing I like about Northern Spanking is that it doesn't contain tacky spunk-dribbling-down-your-chin porn. I am not a fan of graphic porn. If I wanted to gaze into women's vaginas I would have become a gynaecologist. And that was always out of the question because I was never particularly fond of biology. (I hope I've spelt "gynaecologist" correctly. I don't have a dictionary to hand. Feel free to administer some remedial slaps if I've erred.)

That's all for now. It's Sunday afternoon; I have work tomorrow; I'm depressed.

...this

2006-11-07T06:38:00.000-08:00

I don't really know if I'm going to continue with this blog. I rarely get the time or urge to post. I don't expect many tears to be shed; it is not like I'm Mr Google saying he's had enough of his hugely-popular yet minimalist search engine. Let's face it, my posts are sporadic, and when I do post they're generally of the "Oh, shit, I need to update my blog" variety, nothing constructive or laugh-out-loud funny.

My original plan was to devise something of a satire of the spanking scene. But that has fallen painfully on its arse. Ironically, such a satire would only have appealed to those interested in spanking. So, it would have been like "Hey! Come and read a blog that's taking the piss out of good ol' you!" In other words, my plan was doomed from the beginning.

Besides, blogging, it appears to me, is the activity of teenagers and twenty-somethings. I am a 34-year-old man, not a kid; it's about time I acted my age and did something more constructive with my time. So, come back soon to read a blog about the history of the Rover car company.

Actually ... I haven't yet decided if I'm quitting this blog. I'll see how it goes.

...iona

2006-10-29T12:09:00.000-08:00

Please start reading Mistress Iona's blog. www.mistressiona.blogspot.com. Her interests include entomology and etymology.

...playmates

2006-10-29T11:14:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. I haven't posted for a while. (Not that I think I have a legion of fans who log on to my site each day to see if it's been updated.) Anyway: I'm going to take advantage of the extra hour we have today, and write a new post. Hurrah, I hear you say!

There's something I want to talk about.

That something is the scores of men who lament the difficulties in finding a willing spanking partner. Log onto any spanking forum (BS, IC, ITC, whatever) and you'll find posts from men complaining of the lack of willing female participants. ITC's the worst; I remember reading a post from one anonymous spanko who felt that no woman in the world would let a man spank her, and that the only way to get some hand-to-buttock action is by paying.

Here are my 8 tips for men who are looking:

1. Just because a woman's into spanking doesn't mean she wants to be spanked by you. Male spankos presume that if a woman's into spanking then that woman is going to want to be spanked by him. This seems a common misconception. In the vanilla world, if you meet a woman who enjoys sex, as many do, then does that mean she's interested in having sex with you?

2. You have to put as much time and effort into meeting a spanking partner as you would a vanilla partner. If you put a two-line ad on a vanilla dating site - for instance,"37-year-old male looking for an attractive and intelligent woman to have sex with" - do you think it would generate much response? It's exactly the same for a two-line ad on a spanking site.

3. Most of the vanilla rules apply to spanking. So: be clean; have pride in your appearance; be interesting; be honest (if you're married, and looking for spanking fun without LTR, then do the decent thing and say so); be also honest about your level of experience.

4. Confidence. The most important thing: confidence. Everything else - your body language, how you speak, what you say, your general aura - will be fine if you have inner confidence. Don't be afraid to invest in a self-help book if you severely lack confidence.

5. Being a sub does not mean being a wimp. (This is for male subs.) Being a sub is not the same as being a wimp. Women don't like wimps. Period. It's true. If you're male, and think women are attracted to wimps, you need to get a sheet of paper and write "women are not attracted to wimps" a thousand times. That's your punishment, slaveboy. You should choose to submit and have your bottom smacked, because you're a strong man who has chosen to give the gift of submission to a woman.

6. Show you have at least some idea of what you're looking for. Writing "looks and age unimportant" doesn't bode particularly well on yourself - nor on any potential respondents. Show that at least you have some standards. Looks and age may be unimportant, but surely there are some things you'd like to see in any respondent - even if those things are simply a GSOH and a genuine love of spanking.

7. Don't neglect the vanilla world. It is possible to meet spanking partners through vanilla channels. Don't restrict yourself to the spanking scene. You can build a relationship of trust with someone, let them know you're into spanking and they may end up being into it themselves. There are lots of women who haven't yet found out they like spanking. Even if a woman you meet is not an out-and-out spanko, she may be willing to listen to and fulfil your needs if you, in return, listen to and fulfil her needs too.

8. You won't meet a spanking partner at a commercial party. (Well, actually you might, but it's very unlikely.) You may meet a professional with whom you get on with and can enjoy commercial one-to-ones for a fee.

If you follow these rules you shouldn't end up like my friend Russ Trayshun.

Personal of the Week

2006-09-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

Hey Gang!

In my continued attempt to satirize the spanking scene, here is the first - drumroll, please - "Personal of the Week".

"There are some people who believe, pain is weekness leaving the body ! have u ever thought of getting tied and having the soles of your feet beaten by a gentle arousing cane. Do you need some extra cash. ( up to a pound per single stroke ! )I am a gentle, caring University student based in southampton doing an experiment for which I need your help. If you are a lady between 18 and 40 and would like to have some adventurous fun, email me back on [email address removed to avoid embarrassment]. The session would be discreet , safe and fun. don't hesitate to contact me about anything you may need. But please no time wasters !Southampton Southampton Southampton"

...itc

2006-09-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

The ITC website has the potential to be good. I have used the word "potential" because presently it's not particularly great at all.

The website's strength is that it provides a place for men and women, professional and non-professional, to post Personals free of charge. The site's hosting fees, presumably, are paid for by the banner ads.

The site's weakness, however - and it's one huge big fuck-off weakness - is that its message board appears to be completely unmoderated. Or at the very least poorly moderated. It is full of petty bickering and blatant vindictiveness, with little intelligent or insightful discussion.

British Spanking has its faults, but at least it's reasonably well moderated. They allow differences of opinion on BS, but if someone is quite obviously causing trouble then they're generally dealt with fairly swiftly and effectively.

I'm fond of ITC - and Mick and Jan, its owners, obviously do it as a labour of love - but it's in desperate need of a revamp.

Russ Trayshun #2

2006-09-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

Hey Gang!

My friend Russ Trayshun, fifty-six year old divorced spanko, has sent another email.

"How are you, Danny?

Can't wait till the end of November, mate. Child maintenance stops being taken out of me wage, which means I can spend more money on spanking professionals. So hurrah for kids growing up. The cow only used to spend 'money on fags and trips to Mecca bingo, anyway.

What I don't understand, Dan, is that magazines are full of fit young chicks being spanked by men who look like Mr Bean or Woody Allen. I didn't think looks mattered in the "spanking scene". But I'm still waiting for my elusive 23-year-old spanking girlfriend.

Ah well. Life goes on.

Now fuck off and leave me alone.

Russ."

...magazines

2006-09-10T08:38:00.000-07:00

I was once conned by David Sullivan, the ever-so-slimy owner of the Sport newspaper. You see, in addition to the Sport, Sullivan's company used to publish an extraordinarily piss-poor spanking magazine called Swish. It was crap; a spanking magazine quite obviously overseen by a vanilla editor with no interest in the subject other than its capacity to make money. Anway: what they used to do was publish the same magazine several times, but under different covers. Most people don't check the inside content of naughty magazines when they're in the newsagent's; so it's only when you got home that you realised you'd been duped.

Still bitter? You bet.

Carmel Buttons

2006-09-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

Hey Gang!

You spank-fans will be pleased to read the following letter from my friend Carmel Buttons. She's 41 (although professionally she has been 26 for the past 15 years), and did her first Janus photoshoot in the early Nineties. She's appeared on several websites, and still does one-to-ones (sexual services neither given nor received).

Over to you, Carmel:

"Hellooooo!

Last month's London party went down a storm. There were four girls (Penelope Spankme, Danii Pinkcheeks, Faye Fizzle, and little old me). We looked a treat in our cute little cheerleader's outfits. The fifty-four guys present certainly had their work cut out that afternoon (finding a seat for starters - hee hee. Naughty Carmel!!). We did a round of spanking, followed by a break for food and drinks while us girlies changed into our kangaroo outfits. Out came the toys for the second part. Followed by another break while we dressed up as EastEnders characters for the third and final part (Danii went down a storm as Dot Cotton, and Penelope's Pat Evans was an absolute hoot). All in all, a smashing afternoon of spanking fun, and we hope to see all the guys again soon!

The kids are back at school next week which means - good news! - I am available for one-on-ones again. Email me if interested. I can also arrange 2-on-1s, 3-on-1s, or if you're feeling really brave 6-on-1s. Again, email for details.

Will write again soon.

Luv

Carmel Buttons

x x x."

...legislation

2006-09-01T00:54:00.000-07:00

My intention was to write a post about the Home Office's legislation on sexually violent pornography. However, this topic is presently being thrashed out on Internet forums throughout the spanking and BDSM world, and there's little I can say that won't have been said already. All I will say, though, is that the debate is largely academic: the new legislation does not appear to affect spanking or CP material. So we don't have to burn our Kane mags, or hammer a screwdriver through our hard-drives, just yet.

I was wondering why the Government introduced the legislation. Everything's done for a reason. Rarely is that reason for the good of the populace; usually the reason is to keep the system ticking over nicely. The new legislation is NOT going to reduce the number of violent crimes - surely no-one's stooopid enough to think that. And, like all new laws, it's going to cost money to enforce. So one can only assume that Labour have introduced it because it is a potential vote-winner.

Russ Trayshun

2006-08-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hey Gang!

I would like to introduce you to a dear friend of mine - Mr Russ Trayshun, the fifty-six year old divorced spanko. You'll be hearing more from Russ in the future (and also from Carmel Buttons, the oldest professional spankee in London). Enjoy.

"Alright, Danny? It's Russ.

I was hoping me DVDs from Moonglow would turn up today, but they haven't. So I'm having to write to you, you cunt. Are you still doing that stupid blog thing that no fucker reads?

My personal in ITC magazine ("fifty-six year old divorcee looking for a twenty-something beauty to spank") hasn't exactly gone down a storm. I've had one reply, and I am pretty sure it's from a bloke. And there is no way I'm writing back to 'cunt just to provide some freebie wank fodder.

Anyway - it's early days. Something'll come up. I've still got my ad running on British Spanking. Although that's generated fuck-all so far, apart from some woman saying I should post in the forums and attend munches so that people get to know me and stuff. Fuck that!!

Speak to you later, boss.

Russ.

PS: If you post my message on your bastard of a blog, I'll give you a bloody hiding next time I see you. Ha ha! Only kidding. Take care, mate. -Russ."

...noodles

2006-08-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

Chicken and mushroom Pot Noodles are actually quite nice, despite them probably having the nutritional value of sand.

...communities

2006-08-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

Little shops are closing because of the big supermarkets. You are expected to snitch on your neighbours if you suspect them of benefit fraud. Milkmen are being forced out of business because fresh milk is available in the local Sainsbury’s. And binmen will say, “One bag only, I’m afraid; it’s council policy”. As my elderly neighbour periodically laments, there’s just no sense of community any more.

I disagree.

The Internet has introduced us to online communities. These communities are quite possibly stronger and deeper than any of their predecessors. You probably know where I’m going here, right? Yep, the online spanking community (let’s invent the acronym OSC so that I don’t need to write those last three words again).

The OSC doesn’t consist of one website; no, there are the online forums (BS, Spanking Tools, and others), the blogs, the homepages and some commercial sites (for instance, Girls Boarding School and Northern Spanking). (I said some commercial sites, incidentally, because there are some sites run by unscrupulous pornographers who have more interest in making a quick buck than anything CP.)

The OSC attracts some oddballs, weirdoes, and, dare I say it, unsavoury characters. Of course it does. But then we’ve all shared our real-life streets with such people, and we’ve still got ever-so-mildly concerned when they have suddenly disappeared without a warning or goodbye.

You can log on to a forum to read some mother-hen advice from Sunnygirl, a dry one-liner from Ritchie, a stern point from Chopper, or a metaphorical quip from Burns. (Burns, for the uninitiated, is like an Elvis Costello album: you’ve got to listen to the man quite a few times before you get into him.) Doesn’t the fact that there is in existence a Lancisto’s Free Association Thread make our world just that little bit brighter? No matter how shit your day’s been, or how depressing the news is, it’s a comfort to know there will be several people, on a spanking forum, thrashing out the correct way to hang toilet-paper. Similarly, no matter how petty and fickle people are, and no matter how much the tabloids persuade us to conform, it’s sobering to know there are still people organising spanking parties in places like Huddersfield.

On a serious note, a member of BS passed away several weeks ago. The level of grief and shock that was expressed through the site was overwhelming – even people who’d clearly never met the lady, and had perhaps only spoken with her in the chat room, were posting messages of condolence. Now if that’s not the result of a community spirit, then I don’t really know what is.

So, I have to disagree with my neighbour: we still have communities. They’ve just changed their form somewhat.

...why

2006-08-25T00:49:00.000-07:00

Why do I write this blog? To my knowledge, no-one reads it. You're all too busy scouring other sites for free spanking pictures; you are not going to sit and read a blog that features (so far) no pictures, no videos and is not written by some kinky chick called Vanessa, who has a webcam, lives in New York, and has an Amazon wishlist.

So, why do I write this blog? Because I enjoy writing, and I enjoy spanking, and so by doing a blog I am combining my interests. I am not bothered if no-one reads it; it simply means if I go for a month without posting I am not going to be breaking anyone's heart.

Anyway.

A particular kink that has recently caught my interest is financial slavery or financial domination. (I say it's caught my interest, because it's not something I partake in - well, OK, maybe once a year when I visit my accountant.) Basically, during financial domination the woman takes the man's money and in return that man gets, er, ignored, humiliated, laughed at, told he's got an inadequate penis, whatever floats your boat. There's a particular number, advertised on www.niteflirt.com, where men pay 50 dollars per minute to ... wait for it ... be ignored. Now, regardless of your gender, isn't that a great way to make money?

...haze

2006-08-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

Adele Haze's blog is a cracking read. It's well-written, regularly features good images, and provides an invaluable insight into one particular spankee's mind. The fact that Ms Haze is also as cute as a button helps her cause, too, I guess.

The most entertaining thing about her blog are the putdowns of saddoes who email her requesting, for instance, "a free spank movie". Rather than ignore the pitiful request, or send back a polite email advising the aforementioned sad bastard to look elsewhere for his free wank material - which, I'd presume, is what other spanking girls would do - Adele takes immense delight in humiliating her pests in front of all and sundry.

It's all good stuff, of course. And you'll find a link to her blog somewhere on the left-hand side of this screen. (Go on. Live dangerously. Click on it.)

...secretary

2006-08-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

Here is a critique of the movie Secretary that was originally posted on Informed Consent (feel free to post a critique of my critique):

"I've heard lots of criticism about the movie Secretary. Sure, the fact a film contains spanking and BDSM should not make it beyond criticism from those real-life people who enjoy such activities, but I do think a lot of the criticism is unfair.

The critics' main bone of contention, as far as I can see, is the fact that the female protagonist - played by the delightful Maggie Gyllenhaal - indulges in self-harm (burning herself with an iron, for instance). This, the critics cry, is insinuating that anyone who enjoys spanking, or similar activities, is also a self-mutilator. We all know, of course, that that's nonsense; it's not a reason, in my view, for dismissing the film.

A problem with fiction - primarily novels and films - is that writers have to make a character believable. That's why serial killers are usually portrayed as loners who live with their mums. Or alcoholics typically have a mother or father who was alcoholic. Writers feel like they need to give justification to their characters' foibles, and Gyllenhaal's character from Secretary is no exception.

There probably are some BDSMers who are also into self-harm, but most of us aren't. There are also probably some alcoholics whose parents were the same, but not all.

Secretary is just about one particular character; the movie is not tarring us all with the same brush.

Danny."

...pandora

2006-08-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

The lovely Lady Pandora, the North West's finest disciplinarian, now has a forum on her website.

Her site, incidentally, is very good, and features some intelligent warblings from the Lady herself. Those familiar with Lady Pandora will know she is a bubbly character, with a wicked sense of humour, that doesn't suffer fools gladly. Hence, her site becomes compelling reading. And you'll find a link to her site on the left-hand side of this blog.

...blog

2006-05-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so this it.

I feel guilty. I already have a plethora of things in my life that chew into the limited amount of time that is at my disposal. These things include a healthy social-life, a demanding full-time job, a cat, a nagging addiction to the British Spanking website, Noel Edmonds' Deal Or No Deal, and a predilection for ladies with big bottoms. To be honest, I could do with downsizing, jettisoning some the crap that fills up my life. The LAST THING I need is a blog...

I also do not expect many people to read my blog. And when I say that I'm not trying to be cutely self-deprecating or smugly self-aware - I just don't think many people will read this shit. That's all. And if you do, well, hello!

I'm doing this blog because I like writing. I find it cathartic to empty my brain of its thoughts. (Does that sound pretentious? Yeah, but fuck it.) I sometimes post on the British Spanking website, and occasionally my posts get deleted because I overstep the mark, or go off-topic, or throw a quick one-liner into an otherwise sterile, sensible on-topic debate. I like the fact I can write whatever I want on this blog.

I will update once a week.

Later,

Danny Havoc